Life's full of nasty surprises...

Still locked down...still car less!!!

Feel depressed... everything seems to go wrong, everything seems so relentlessly bringing me down!

Everything sucks!!! I'm going crazy through all this shit! The bad luck seems endless!

Just feel thoroughly pissed!!!!

Life really sucks sometimes...

I'm on vacation from work...just for a week...
Without car to go out, it's been hard... "locked down" at home...
Just feel hopeless about everything! I was looking forward to get the divorce done this week, but guess it won't get done so soon, everyone's on vacation...

Being thinking about all that's happened... Feeling deeply betrayed by the cold calculation of it all, the wicked game in which I was played...

Found new friends, and "found" a long lost girl friend... We talked only once, about two weeks ago, but in the last few days, just can seem to get her out of my mind. I just keep remembering all the great times we passed together, and why we haven't ever dated...
She just keeps popping in my mind... time and time again... it's driving me nuts and sleepless...

Just feel very very frustrated by my current situation... girl less, car less, hopeless... goalless!

Guess it's just a really really bad day! But it gets to you just the same.
Life goes on. My new friends have been great! Offering great help and support through all this shit!
One of the best things that came out of all of this situation was founding new friends, and finding her.

Things will get better, I hope. Sooner or later, it will all work out. It will all make sense.

Someone said the other day: Life is simple, you make choices and don't look back! It makes sense, regrets don't bring back the past... they just drag you down!

Life really sucks sometimes... but that just makes you value more all the little great moments you have and all the friends that save you off going down each and every bad day...

She's dating him now... don't know what or how to feel.

Saw the writing on the wall, really. Things just wouldn't work out the way they were going.
Guess it's all for the best. I wasn't going to change, not the way she needed me to.
Still I feel a deep deep sorrow for all that's happening. Seven years going down the drain. I'm left with two cats and an empty house full of memories of broken dreams and promises...
My best friend want's to talk to me... what's there to talk about? He's dating my soon to be ex wife!
He asked me how I feel! How the hell should I know? I feel really really pissed. I feel deeply cheated/betrayed! I have a knot the size of a watermelon on my throat! How can i put it in to words?! Don't really know. Sure as hell don't care.
I try not to think about all of this... To keep my sanity, to keep me safe from harm. To take time to let it all really sink in.

She'll be leaving the house in the meantime. Got her self a job, has found a house to stay.
We were supposed to sign the divorce two days ago, but couldn't bear to do it; guess it all didn't sink in for both of us... need more time, we postponed it for a month or so. Started to decide who gets what and it went well, no problems there, thankfully.

She ask me if I found someone... -No I didn't. Been looking? - No, not really! Interested in someone? - No I'm not.
At this time it's the last thing on my mind. I've just got burned!!! Badly... Think I'll wait a while to play with fire again...

It's Summer again. Always been the worst part of the year for me! I really can't stand the heat. And everybody enjoys their Summer vacations, I'm always working all the bloody season!
Argh.... The heat makes it all unbearable for me.

Thinks for listening.


Life's a bitch. Can't have it any other way....

First post on my first blog....

Strange, I'm doing this a couple of years after the "blog boom"... working with/in IT for the last 15 or so years it just seems odd... the time frame... well, to me at least!

Don't know how it all came crumbling down, but it did... The signs were all there, but like the proverbial frog being boiled, I've got burned big time...
Been married two years next August... after a seven year relationship... and it's over...
Got the "news" a couple of days ago... Don't know how to react... Been too numb to do anything.
Can't blame her either... we simply grew apart... we're great friends, and that's all. Guess the love is gone... and it left a while ago!!!
She saved me from myself when we met. I was becoming a snob prick! Learned a lot. And I grew a lot to!

I'm left now with a really great void, a sense that she never really knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me!

She's living here, but it's like a room mate! She needs somewhere to stay while she's straighting her life, and I can't honestly ask her to leave.

Now I'm left all alone. She's the one I talked about everything...
Had a best friend, but he's kinda of dating her... So can't talk to him either.

It's hard to explain how I feel... Don't feel cheated, because she's been straightforward with me through all this...and I'm guilty of letting the love die..
Just feel empty... and robbed! With no one to talk to!

I've numbed down myself, to take the time to sink it all in....
Guess it was destined to be like this... that doesn't mean it's less painful!

Life's kind of on auto pilot now...

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger": I ain't dead yet, but feel deeply weakened by the blunt of it all!!!!

Been "locked down" these couple of weekends... don't know where to go or what to do...
don't wanna talk to anyone...

It's almost 2 in the morning... don't want go to sleep. the bed is empty... and feels very very cold.
Don't care about anything...
The loss seems unbearable!

Just need a place to let it all out... at this moment this is as good it gets...


To those of you in the same boat: you're not alone...
Life's a bitch... can't have it any other way...