She's dating him now... don't know what or how to feel.

Saw the writing on the wall, really. Things just wouldn't work out the way they were going.
Guess it's all for the best. I wasn't going to change, not the way she needed me to.
Still I feel a deep deep sorrow for all that's happening. Seven years going down the drain. I'm left with two cats and an empty house full of memories of broken dreams and promises...
My best friend want's to talk to me... what's there to talk about? He's dating my soon to be ex wife!
He asked me how I feel! How the hell should I know? I feel really really pissed. I feel deeply cheated/betrayed! I have a knot the size of a watermelon on my throat! How can i put it in to words?! Don't really know. Sure as hell don't care.
I try not to think about all of this... To keep my sanity, to keep me safe from harm. To take time to let it all really sink in.

She'll be leaving the house in the meantime. Got her self a job, has found a house to stay.
We were supposed to sign the divorce two days ago, but couldn't bear to do it; guess it all didn't sink in for both of us... need more time, we postponed it for a month or so. Started to decide who gets what and it went well, no problems there, thankfully.

She ask me if I found someone... -No I didn't. Been looking? - No, not really! Interested in someone? - No I'm not.
At this time it's the last thing on my mind. I've just got burned!!! Badly... Think I'll wait a while to play with fire again...

It's Summer again. Always been the worst part of the year for me! I really can't stand the heat. And everybody enjoys their Summer vacations, I'm always working all the bloody season!
Argh.... The heat makes it all unbearable for me.

Thinks for listening.


Life's a bitch. Can't have it any other way....

First post on my first blog....

Strange, I'm doing this a couple of years after the "blog boom"... working with/in IT for the last 15 or so years it just seems odd... the time frame... well, to me at least!

Don't know how it all came crumbling down, but it did... The signs were all there, but like the proverbial frog being boiled, I've got burned big time...
Been married two years next August... after a seven year relationship... and it's over...
Got the "news" a couple of days ago... Don't know how to react... Been too numb to do anything.
Can't blame her either... we simply grew apart... we're great friends, and that's all. Guess the love is gone... and it left a while ago!!!
She saved me from myself when we met. I was becoming a snob prick! Learned a lot. And I grew a lot to!

I'm left now with a really great void, a sense that she never really knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me!

She's living here, but it's like a room mate! She needs somewhere to stay while she's straighting her life, and I can't honestly ask her to leave.

Now I'm left all alone. She's the one I talked about everything...
Had a best friend, but he's kinda of dating her... So can't talk to him either.

It's hard to explain how I feel... Don't feel cheated, because she's been straightforward with me through all this...and I'm guilty of letting the love die..
Just feel empty... and robbed! With no one to talk to!

I've numbed down myself, to take the time to sink it all in....
Guess it was destined to be like this... that doesn't mean it's less painful!

Life's kind of on auto pilot now...

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger": I ain't dead yet, but feel deeply weakened by the blunt of it all!!!!

Been "locked down" these couple of weekends... don't know where to go or what to do...
don't wanna talk to anyone...

It's almost 2 in the morning... don't want go to sleep. the bed is empty... and feels very very cold.
Don't care about anything...
The loss seems unbearable!

Just need a place to let it all out... at this moment this is as good it gets...


To those of you in the same boat: you're not alone...
Life's a bitch... can't have it any other way...